Is It All Over Our Face? The Republican Party's Shutdown of the United States Government was an Act of Public Political Masturbation

When I was in elementary school, students had to put their names on a sign-in sheet to use one of the two private bathrooms in our classroom.

This was a great step forward in our personal responsibility because 10, 11, and 12 year old children would now be held accountable for peeing on the toilet, not flushing, or otherwise making a mess. Some of us were smart enough to game the system and either not write their names down, put someone else's name on the sign-in sheet, or sneak off and do their business anonymously in the bathroom. Ultimately, most of my classmates were pretty well-behaved and neat--at least as far as elementary school kids in a bathroom directly unsupervised by adults are capable of being.

I will never forget when one of my classmates, a young boy about 12 or 11 years old, decided to use the bathroom as place to masturbate. Of course, as can only happen to young boys who are so excited about discovering onanistic delight and joy during the school day, he retired to his personal place of self-discovery and forgot to lock the door.

There were screams and laughter and chuckles as the next person to use the bathroom discovered him sitting on the floor, pleasuring himself, he filled with glee and self-restraint long abandoned. Interestingly, while obviously embarrassed by being found out, there was no sense of shame on his part. He would be caught surrendering to his masturbatory urges in that bathroom, other places on school grounds, and even the bus home throughout the remainder of the year.

He liked the attention; public masturbation is its own reward; the thrill is in being discovered and not caring about the consequences.

Moreover, masturbation is both the easiest and also one of the first tricks that young boys learn in life. It requires no skill. One can only get better at it over time.

The manufactured crisis that was the Republican Party's shutdown of the federal government to "prove a political point" was an exercise in political masturbation, one not unlike like the public spectacle put on by my former schoolmate.

While temporarily thwarted in their Ayn Randian Grover Norquist efforts to shutdown the government, and by doing so to cause the United States to default on its financial obligations, the Tea Party GOP still felt a rush from all of the attention garnered by their mayhem. Unfortunately, the Democratic Party, in surrendering to the Tea Party's hallucinatory ideology fueled spectacle, have taught those brigands and seditious political actors that there is a positive reward for their bad behavior.

In a few months, the Republican Party will engage in another episode of public political masturbation as they hold the American people hostage again when this short-term extension of the debt-ceiling limit expires. Another manufactured political crisis will ensue. The Republicans will again publicly masturbate and cum all over the American people--and without the courtesy of using a towel or cloth to contain their mess of fluids--they will smile, laugh, and be encouraged to make a mess again, again, and again and again.

The more they are condemned for their irresponsible and reckless behavior against the Common Good and long-term prosperity of the United States, the more the Republican Party is aroused and excited. They have mastered the pathetic magic trick that is public political masturbation.

As the classic Chicago house music song implies, yes indeed, "it is all over your face" America.

Republicans, and the Tea Party faithful especially, are now serial public political masturbators. Republicans are now very aroused and excited by a belief that they "won" the debt ceiling shutdown standoff.

Put on your boots and gloves folks. Thanks to the Republican Party, American democracy is now a peepshow or XXX movie theater circa 1970s Times Square in New York City.