Battle of the Iron Mics: Herman Cain's "Imagine There's No Pizza" Versus Eli Porter's Epic Rap Freestyle

Now that my friends is funny: the absurd has now become commonplace.

Question: is Herman Cain a feeder? Is he into sploshing?

Somewhere, way off in the future, a Chinese scholar will write his epic book The Fall of the American Empire. In said yet to be written text, there will a footnote akin to Suetonias's allusion to Tiberius's love of having young boys "crawl between his thighs when he went swimming and tease him with their licks and nibbles.

Said footnote will reference Jim Crow apologist, he who electrocutes "illegal aliens," gospel singer, player of Sim City and lover of pizza Mr. Herman Cain. Lacking context, future generations will wonder if Herman Cain was literally all of these things, or if these were phrases and metaphors lost to the ages and thus now made indecipherable to contemporary eyes.

He does not stand alone in his gospel timbre greatness. There are other internet signing sensations who demand to be compared to Herman Cain. While he will never become the Tea Party GOP front runner (although he is the subject of an epic documentary), I cannot resist the question of questions, the battle of the ages, and a rumble for all time. If you were a judge on American Idol, who would you vote the winner in a battle between the legendary emcee Eli Porter and pizza magnet Mr. Herman Cain?

You make the call.