Let's Play a Game with Chauncey DeVega's 6th Grade Class Photo

I have a strong dislike for social media such as Facebook. They take away our relative anonymity, break down the wall between private and public, and hassle us with false notions of friendship (frankly, I am tired of folks who I have not talked to in 20 years asking me to "friend" them for the purposes of growing their Farmville estates).

Facebook does have some uses though. For example, letting me be nosy as I follow the triumphs and tragedies of both friend and foe alike. Likewise, Facebook also salvages photos and moments that were best forgotten and lost to the memory well (a comic book reference for my ghetto nerd compadres). So let's play a game. I just came upon my 6th grade class photo from elementary school. I will tell you some of the fates of those pictured, and you in turn tell me who said person(s) are. Hopefully, this will be a fun beginning of the week diversion.

1. Who was the coolest kid in class, not too long after this picture that would be rocking the Mohawk by Middle School, who disappeared into legend following High School, and was generally far smarter at that age than he had any right to be?

2. Who is our guest blogger Bill the Lizard?

3. Which of these girls were best of friends and then became hated rivals in High School following a horrible car accident in which several of their friends were killed?

4. Bonus points. I had a crush (at different times) on either of them, but had a shot at only one of them...said girl would later make a pass at me in High School, and lacking any game at all--she even told me she "put out" and "why don't boys like her?" as she flirted with me--I didn't pick up on the signals. Random story: I once got heat stroke following her home (my boy had a crush on said girl's friend and demanded I come along) in 100 degree heat while wearing my desert camo jacket, Bermuda shorts, carrying a really heavy backpack and lugging my saxophone.

5. Who is now the prettiest woman of any of the girls pictured, the "ugly duckling" that became a goddess of a woman whose bathwater I would drink at this very moment if she blessed me with the chance? And yes, I mean that.

6. Who has worked on several prominent daytime soaps as a male lead?

7. Who were the 2 biggest weed heads? One of which would go AWOL from the military after talking up joining the service during all of our many years in school together?

8. Who was the "town bicycle?"--I use that phrase because I can't bring myself to call a then sixth grade girl a bit of a whorish coquette.

9. Different girl: Who was my neighbor that I also enjoyed early teen groping sessions with in Middle School? Again, I could have "put it in her" but I didn't want to be a 13 year old dad (and I was afraid to go buy condoms lest someone see me). A hint: said girl was THE ONE who in preeminent Wonder Years style came back to school a grown ass woman following the summer between Middle and Elementary School. And yes, I did hump the bed a la Ghostface style thinking about overly developed womanly parts and curves that I would touch when her mom was not home.

10. Which girl, a bit chubby at the time, did I tease into an eating disorder who then became a model who accosted me years later with a public tirade that my cruelty made her loose weight and she did it all to spite me?

11. The easiest question of them all: Just who is Chauncey DeVega?