Zora Says: A Revised Proposal for the 2009 Inaugural Celebration

Those of you who read my post earlier today on the 2009 Inaugural Celebration for Barack Obama are sure to have noted the degree of thought and careful detail that went into my proposal. Well, join me in being shocked at the feedback I have received from Obama's media consultants! They have run a fine-toothed comb through my proposal and extracted everything of flavor -- everything that suggests that Barack has flavor. Some of their changes don't even make sense ...

August 8, 2008

Dear Ms. Zora,

Thank you for submitting your proposal for the 2009 Barack Obama Inaugural Celebration. Your ideas are interesting and we would like to pursue them further with you. Below, we have listed some changes that you should incorporate into your final plan.

10 a.m. -- Tribute to Great American Athletes, with Michelle Obama, at Constitution Hall – including Mohammed Ali and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

This is a great idea, but the highlighted athletes should instead be Greg Louganis and Derek Jeter. These are stars that all Americans will be able to celebrate and identify with.

Noon -- Mwenzangu Obama luncheon at the Kenyan Embassy, with international leaders, including Kenyan President Mwai Kibaki and Indonesian President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono.

We love the idea of having an international event such as this. Our contacts at the German Embassy have offered to host and sponsor a luncheon at this time. Heidi Klum and Seal can serve as honorary hosts with special guests Madonna and family together with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. (Jolie's father, of course, should not be included.)

2 p.m. -- Salute to Liberal Organizations, with the Vice President-elect Joe Biden, at the Blackburn Ballroom at Howard University.

Senator Obama would instead like to use this as an opportunity to honor his Kansas roots. Please propose an event saluting America's heartland.

4 p.m. -- Concert celebrating America's youth at the MCI Center with Gnarls Barkley and Lil' Wayne.

Lil' Wayne is perhaps not the best role model for America's youth. Replace him with the White Stripes.

6 p.m. -- Ball of the Delaware State Society honoring the Vice-President elect, at the Chamber of Commerce Building.

This sounds fine.

8 p.m. – The Chicago South Side Society "Black Tie Steppers" Ball at the Marriott Wardman Park Hotel, with Oprah Winfrey as Mistress of Ceremonies.

The Illinois State Society is a more appropriate body to host this event. In fact, they have already begun to organize the Black Tie and Clover Ball. Oprah can remain as MC.

9 p.m. -- Hispanic Presidential Inaugural Gala, ''Si Se Puede'' (Yes, We Can''), at the Omni Shoreham (supported by Gov. Bill Richardson and the Service Employees International Union).

We will await further polls before we decide on this event. . .

Given the change from the "Black Tie Steppers Ball" theme to the "Black Tie and Clover Ball," a change of menu is appropriate. In addition, the open buffet seems unnecessary. Instead, guests should simply select one main course with a choice of sides. Appetizers and drinks, of course, will be unlimited.

Revised Menu: appetizers -- fresh figs with fontina cheese, crudites, salmon mousse with cucumber sauce, and carpaccio on french bread; main dish selection -- boneless loin of pork with prunes, poached chicken breast stuffed with bread crumbs, white fish with a lemon-butter sauce; side dishes -- steamed fingerling potatos with dill, sliced tomato salad with basil, green bean salad with walnut dressing, tri color pasta salad with olives, and a puree of fennel; desserts -- apple tart with french vanilla ice cream and fresh strawberries; drinks -- champagne, open bar and mineral water.

Your selection of music was inspired and includes many of Senator Obama's favorites; however, the selection does not have a broad-base appeal and many songs may be taken to be contrary to his theme of unity and inclusion. On this subject, we think that Norah Jones and Mariah Carey would be excellent guest performers at the ball. The edited playlist is pasted below -- more suggestions will follow.

Music Playlist:
Nina Simone's "Young, Gifted and Black,"
Bob Marley's "Get up, Stand up,"
Black Uhuru's "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner,"
Barry White's "My first, My last, My everything,"
Prince's "I Would Die 4 U" and "Let's go crazy,"
Snoop Dogg's "What's my name,"
Jay Z's "roc boys" and "99 problems,"
Diana Ross's "Love Child,"
Frank Sinatra's "I did it my way,"
Notorious BIG's "Hypnotize,"
Miriam Makeba's "Malaika,"
Jimmy Cliff's "Many Rivers to Cross,"
Curtis Mayfield's "Touch the Sky,"
Theme song to The Jefferson's,
Nina Simone's "Mr. Bojangles,"
Marcia Griffith's "Electric Slide,"
Mr. C the Slide Man's "cha cha slide,"
John Legend's "Ordinary People,"
The Temptations' "Papa was a Rolling Stone,"
Sam Cooke's "A Change is Gonna Come,"
Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing,"
Ben E. King's "Stand By Me,"
Stevie Wonder's "Superstition,"
Chaka Khan's "Through the Fire,"
James Brown's "Black and Proud" and "Soul Power,"
Public Enemy's "Fight the Power,"
KRS-One's "The Bridge is Over,"
George Clinton's "Flashlight,"
Bob Marley's "Jammin',"
Queen's "We Are the Champions,"
U2's "It's A Beautiful Day,"
Tom Petty's "Free Falling,"
Bonnie Raitte's "Something to Talk About,"
B.B. King's "Sitting On Top of the World,"
John Mellencamp's "Hurt So Good,"
The Beatles' "Let it Be" ...

Finally, your preliminary list of honored guests requires the following changes:

Vernon Jordan
The Brothers from Wali's Barber Shop,
Bobby Rush,
Halle Berry,
Nelson Mandela,
Muhammed Ali,
Hugo Chavez,
Danny Glover,
the High Imam of Indonesia,
Stephen Carter,
Jesse Jackson Sr.,
Jesse Jackson Jr.,
Iyanda Nkanga, (??????)
Will Burns,
Toni Preckwinkle,
Colin Powell,
Stedman,
Gail King,
Tom Joyner,
Tavis Smiley,
Armstrong Williams,
Lani Guinier,
Cornel West,
Henry Louis Gates,
bell hooks,
Tiger Woods,
Michael Jordan,
Morgan Freeman,
Toni Morrison,
Puff Daddy,
Ludacris,
Jay Z & Beyonce,
Russell Simmons (without Kimora),
Snoop Dogg,
Reverend Jeremiah Wright,
Bishop Arthur M. Brazier,
Sonia Sanchez, (?)
Hillary & Bill Clinton,
Harry Belafonte,
Linda Johnson Rice,
Light Skinned Girl,
Soledad O'Brien,
Vin Diesel,
Keanu Reeves,
Wayne Brady,
Robert Johnson

We look forward to receiving a final version of your proposal with the requested changes. Thank you for your time and effort.

Sincerely,

Friends of David Axelrod

Can you believe this shit!?