Chauncey's World of Ghetto Nerds: R. Kelley is Found Innocent...Long Live the Chewbacca Defense!

Senior, Chicago-based ephebophile (as opposed to pedophile--I like showing off my vocabulary) R. Kelly was acquitted (although certainly not found innocent) of child pornography charges earlier today.

I offer no comment on the verdict. However, I have been fascinated by the various defenses offered by Kelly's attorneys. As detailed by Slate's wonderful coverage of the trial (coverage which detailed R. Kelly's sex acts on a "Space Jam" themed basketball court, perhaps he is either a "furry" or a connoisseur of hentai?), Kelly's counsel deployed several lines of defense which included such strategies as: "The 'Little Man Defense;" "The Shaggy defense;" "The Sparkle Defense;" and the "The Ghost Sex Defense."

Whatever their labels in the R. Kelly trial, these defense strategies were actually mere iterations of the greatest, most infallible, and fool-proof legal strategy of all time, The Chewbacca Defense:



It works every time, all the time...



We ghetto nerds love us some Chewbacca--the man, the myth, the legend, the icon: